Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Yesterday, I started talking about the fruits of the Spirit from Galatians 5:22-23, I would like to tell you that it helped a lot, so today we will continue on to Love. God loved us before we loved ourselves. He loved us and desired to create us for His creation of the Universe. He put man and women in the garden and told them to enjoy because he loved us and wanted us to be happy and love one another and love Him. It’s a great beginning, but something happened and we all know what happened the serpent entered and Eve chose to eat the apple because she wanted to be equal to God. But God stilled loved them and slaved the first animal with the shedding of the blood to give man and woman a covering for there bodies because they were ashamed to be seen by God necked. He had to kill one of his creations to provide for a covering for His other creation. That was love. What I’m trying to say here that God loves us no matter what we do or say. He wants the best for us.

Okay let’s take it a bit farther, God loves us, He tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I have always had a problem of loving myself. I use to put friends and everything before myself. Children always came before me which is normal for a mother. But the sad part I was trying to win there love, I longed to be loved and I wanted to love myself. I didn’t like myself, moreover love myself. Love is a part of life and there are a lot of different kinds of love, love for mother and father, love for husband, love for children and love for God. When I was selling Mary Kay many years ago her motto was God first, family second, business third. I thought that was remarkable. Of course, I know now that is the way it should be. God should be our first love and a desire to please Him. Sometimes I do not always feel like I show that, but in my heart I love God with all my heart.

So let’s see where we stand with love. God loves us, we love God, if God loves us we should love ourselves, but so many times when we come from a abusive childhood, were we have been abandoned at times and sexually abused, its hard to love self, also we feel like its our fault because no one excepts blame so we do. As we accept this blame it causes us to look down on ourselves. I’m sharing this with you because you might be here and not loving yourself and not knowing why.

I still have problems with loving myself, I know God loves me, but I don’t always love myself. I feel like everyone is better than me and I don’t deserve to be loved. That is wrong. I think I feel being fat protects me from people loving me because people do not like fat people. I’m fat, so it’s a protecting devise that I use to keep people afar so they can’t love me. You see I think in my mind I’m unlovable and the circle continues of trying to learn to love myself, lose weight, be happy with who I am.

I know I have probably written some stuff that might upset people, but you have to remember these are my thoughts, my feeling of dealing with me and my journey of trying get to healthy. We have to dig down to the source of what makes me eat? Hope you have a great day. Oh yes, forgot to tell you I go back to water walking tomorrow, hurray, hurray, I get to move and lose.

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1 comment:

Carolyn said...

It's Thursday and so HOT, but let's drink some water, lots of water. You are doing go good and I am very proud of you. I enjoyed our visit on Tues, you were looking good and I could see changes in your face. It's true, life is hard, what is the use, I have felt that way sometimes. But it will pass, keep going. How about the tomatoes? Did they pass the taste test? I love them. I love you too. Excited you can go water walking now. Keep it going.